Relationships: A Pathway to Healing

In my blog on Love, I introduced some words from Bishop Michael Curry from his book, Love is the Way. At the end of the blog I suggested if you had some wait time for the lockdowns to end before you could begin your person to person conversations, that you should get the book, Love is the Way, The reason being was that it is a practical  guide to use love to bring a divided people together. Because of recent events that have shown that the divide in our country is deeper and more emotional than ever before, I thought I needed to present more of Bishop Curry’s ideas on healing, we need it.

 I am writing this as the amount of hatred and the desire for retribution and revenge is palatable. Where are the Nelson Mandelas when we need them? Recall that no one suffered more than Mandela in defeating apartheid, but when he won he realized that to save South Africa, as the winner that he could not crush the losers. They needed each other to save their country from endless tension and potential wars. He provided great leadership during the transition of power.

Since no one on our winner’s side has taken Mandela’s approach to healing I think that Bishop Curry will have to show the way.  He is Black and grew up in the 50s, 60s, and 70s. He lived through Jim Crow and also became the first Black Bishop in the Episcopal Church and eventually became the Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church in America. He was the Bishop when the Episcopal Church approved the blessing of Gay Unions. He frequently was the target of hate, yet through it all he never sought revenge or retribution. Perhaps by the Grace of God, he always believed that Love would carry the day in all of his battles.  His strong belief is inspired by St. Paul in his epistle to the Corinthians. Paul founded the Church in Corinth and he was dismayed to find out they have abandoned the Christian ways he taught them and were now fighting amongst themselves. They were dividing into opposing groups depending on who baptized them and which group is superior. The wealthy among them have returned to being selfish and were seeking privileges in the Church. In Paul’s letter to the Corinthians he begins  talking about love and includes his famous definition of love:

“Love is patient, love is kind, love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, it hopes all things, it endures all things. Love never ends.”

Notice that Paul defined what Love is and what it is not. Some of the “is nots” listed were the very things the citizens of Corinth were doing. He founded Corinth on love but the community had drifted. Paul was furious with them and said the only thing to save them and heal the community was love. They needed to get back to loving their neighbor.            

Paul was able to accomplish this because he founded the Church and had a relationship with them. To solve complex problems we must begin with improved relationships, frequently through person to person encounters.  When there are opposing viewpoints it is important that we try to first understand the other person’s viewpoint so we can honestly seek first to understand rather than to be understood.

The question as to how we should handle gays participation in the Church caused a great deal of pain and deep contemplation for Bishop Curry. One day a young man in the Church came to see Bishop Curry. He said he was gay and wanted to know, if as new Bishop, would he support the blessing of gay unions (marriage was not yet on the table)? Bishop Curry’s honest answer was “Brother, I’m not there yet.” Bishop Curry asked if he would give him more time, and he did. The problem facing the bishop was his life-long concept that marriage was only between a man and woman and his equally life-long concept that Jesus came to offer salvation to all. The young  man continued to meet with Bishop Curry and the relationship turned into a friendship and resulted in a lot of  introspection. The result of all of this was that Bishop Curry agreed that Gays were also God’s children and the Episcopal church was one of the first to elect an openly Gay as a Bishop, Gene Robinson, and agreed to bless Gay unions. Bishop Curry offered an interesting question, for us to think about “What if love reveals me to be a hypocrite?” He offers other examples on the model of St. Paul and the Corinthians that relationships and love can help heal divided groups.

Before we get to Pollyanna about this type of solution we have to ask an important question, what if neither side wants to heal? Right now that seems to be the case so relationships and love can’t work. The Democrats want to use their opportunity to crush and humiliate the losing side. For four years they have tried and failed to crush them and now is their chance and they don’t want to give it up. They have already fast tracked another impeachment and are doubling down on cancel culture to make sure the opposition cannot offer different opinions (in particular mentioning voting irregularities). The Republicans are saying why should they buy into the unity lie, they have been called racist, irredeemable, and worse and now they are being blackballed so they will not be able to find a job (in other words cancelled!). There is a lot of hate going on. Where are the calmer heads when we need them?

Once again Bishop Curry said something that can help. It helped me. He said that Hate is not the opposite of  Love. The opposite of Love is selfishness and hate is just a symptom of selfishness. That makes sense, a selfish person wants everything his way; his way or the highway (for you). He wants POWER! So what would make someone want to heal now? Well if he seriously thought he would lose power in just two years and wind up on the losing end. He would then be open to receiving all the bad things he had previously administered.

 Right now the Democrats are euphoric having just won all the power and cannot think (at least not right now) that they could possibly lose it. But suppose the Republicans remind the Democrats that they bragged they would expand their numbers in the House BUT they lost members and now the margin is closer than ever before. The Republicans should also remind them that they lost because of their policies; like defund the police, higher taxes, and more freebees for illegal aliens. The Republicans will offer school choice, less tax, more job opportunities for our citizens and they are right now planning for the peaceful revolution which will take back the House in two years!

If the Democrats are honest they know they could easily lose the House in two years ( and they only have to turn one seat to also take the Senate). The Republicans already have a great ground game and they are right now planning on improving it.

So if they could lose power in just two years doesn’t it make sense to start to heal now? A house divided cannot survive, particularly when we are competing with China which has already announced they will overtake us as the number one world power.

Both parties need to take a deep breath, and look to the future, two years out, four years out, and further.  It is time to rebuild relationships in Congress. These relationships don’t have to be equal (there are winners and losers) but they must include respect for each other. These relationships existed before 2016, we need to dust them off and revisit them. It is time to work together  and begin to unite to help the workers of this country who have been suffering through the pandemic and the lockdowns. They are, after all, the people that Congress represents.

We can do it, it is time for the real healing to begin.

Will Lannes